urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hotel_security Hyperion Security Hyperion Security 2003-02-19T06:00:50Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hotel_security:336 2003-02-19T06:00:50Z 2003-02-19T06:00:50Z Location: Hyperion Second Floor Lobby<br /><br />[<i>Cordelia and a Fuzzy Figure that the camera cannot seem to focus on, but is referred to as something with an indiscernable name that sounds something like “The Speast” are sitting at a window in the upstairs lobby. A crossbow is being aimed out the window at various wandering vampires.</i>]<br /><br />Cordelia: It's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life. <br /><br />The Speast: What do you mean? <br /><br />Cordelia: Well, at one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever, barring very odd circumstances. All walks of life - Angelus, for example. He was all big evil mojo for over 100 years and then – poof! – it’s gone. And then it’s back for about six months, but then gone again until some starlet drugs up his drink and it’s back for, like, six hours but then it’s gone yet again and it stays gone for another couple years until he gets his evil back. But each time he gets it back, it always tends to lose something. Gone forever.<br /><br />The Speast: I always thought he was a very worthy evil person. <br /><br />Cordelia: Well, in the day, yeah. Even after the whole Buffy sexcapades incident he was very good at being evil and soulless. Last two times, though? He’s just insulting. It’s sad really. <br /><br />The Speast: Well, don’t we have plans for him? Wasn’t that part of the reason that…<br /><br />Cordelia: Angelus? He’s unpredictable. He’ll do a lot of damage. That’s all that matters.<br /><br />Cordelia sees a vamp going after a meal and decides to help the vamp out by shooting the victim with the crossbow.<br /><br />The Speast: OK, OK, so, then, why isn’t he? <br /><br />[<i>The vamp finishes feeding and Cordy dusts him. She puts her crossbow down.</i>]<br /><br />Cordelia: There was a memo. Didn’t you get the memo? <br /><br />The Speast: I am an evil, indestructible rock demon. I don’t read no stinkin’ memos! <br /><br />Cordelia: That so?<br /><br />The Speast: My head is made of rock. <br /><br />Cordelia: We’re in flux for the next two weeks, yet. Something about interfering with the rituals of some giant, singing and dancing frog demon. <br /><br />The Speast: Frog demon? But I can burn any giant frog demon into a cinder! And singing and dancing frog demon is surely a pansy in the demon world! It should quake in fear at the sight of me! <br /><br />Cordelia: Isn’t up for debate. I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with it, so I said, yeah, it finish up it’s ritual or whatever and then we’d get on our merry, apocalypse-y way. <br /><br />The Speast: So… we are catering to a large frog. <br /><br />Cordelia: Well, not really. Its plan is beautifully evil. But you know the rules. If anything happens in LA, it must happen on a Wednesday. And the next two Wednesdays interfere with the damn frog’s evil plan. And since it’s nice and evil, I figure, we’ll just sit back and watch the fall-out.<br /><br />The Speast: And what would this horribly evil plan be?<br /><br />Cordelia: The mass torture of millions of people as they’re forced to watch the last two episodes of this really horrible Batman TV-Show known as “Birds of Prey”. Saw the premiere from heaven. That show sucks so much that people will be in convulsions for days, if not weeks.<br /><br />The Speast: Give me the Crossbow. <br /><br />[<i>The Speast aims at a skinhead vamp and his muscle-bound dog are in view. <br /><br />Cordelia and The Speast talk in a bad Scottish accent.</i>]<br /> <br />Cordelia: Do you see the beast? Have you got it in your sights? <br /><br />The Speast: Clear enough, Miss Moneypenny. Though I wish you would let me get back to maiming and killing. There are still at least two Arquettes and one Baldwin surviving. I shall not rest until all of the major acting families of Hollywood are DEAD and know the torture of being burnt by fire and brimstone!<br /><br />[<i>The crossbow fires and the dog yelps, jumps up, and bites the vampire.</i>]<br /><br />Cordelia: For a stupid, rock demon with a Hollywood fixation, you're a fucking evil shot. Reminds me of why I’m glad my acting career never worked out. Though hypnotizing the masses with my sitcom would’ve made a fine plan for global domination.<br /><br />[<i>The Speast loads up again. Then decides that he's sick of the crossbow and burns it to cinders because pulling vampire hearts out is a much more fun idea.</i>]